Love Spells from Mistress Tiger Pussy: Stuck in this Web of Love

Dear Mistress Tiger Pussy,

I (a Taurus) started dating a lot of men at the same time when I was 16. An Aries (23), Virgo (23), Sagittarius (34), and Libra (23). They were all good friends with each other and we all hung out together almost daily in a group with other people. Sometimes it felt tense to have an intimate relationship with these guys who were all good friends, especially when we were all around each other on an almost daily basis. Somehow it never became an issue though, and to this day we all remain good friends, although I have ended my sexual relationship with the Virgo because he is in a dedicated relationship with someone else. The truth is that none of these relationships were fulfilling enough for me to settle for one. One part of me wants to forget that these guys ever came in to my life in the first place, and another wishes that I could be intimate friends with all of them forever even though I have never felt satisfied by our relationships. Do I stop talking to all of them forever, or should I, the loyal Taurus, keep forging on with my heart spread out in a different places? Does it matter either way?

Looking for anything to help me get moving again,
Stuck In This Web Of Love.


Dear Stuck,

In each of these relationships you learned love while you were still, let’s be honest, a child. And you became involved with grown men who presumably liked this innocence and precocity about you. But it also meant you never got to be in the driver’s seat. They were in love with other people, but you were always right there, available and still wanting to learn from more experienced people. And your Taurus nature bound you to all of them with an admirable if runaway loyalty. 

It’s time to apply that loyalty to yourself, Stuck. You say you would actually rather find one person. What is preventing you from doing just that? Is it that it is unfamiliar territory? Or is it because you can’t yet imagine who that person is? What if that person were you? It would mean suspending your contact with them while you look inward, an opportunity for which you are poised.

This is the season of blossoming, of painful births and rebirths. Be a perennial. In fact, go out and buy yourself flowers, right now, poppies and primrose, yarrow and lavender. Fill your home with these reminders of the life-death-life cycle. Wear your most comfortable natural fiber dress and put on your favorite album while you make yourself food. Nourish your spirit in green and colorful company.

The idea of change and living alone is very intimidating. Face it like a bull. Let it all hit you, the You-ness that has been so far affected—even created—by others. Our minds and spirits are still growing and maturing well into our twenties, and it sounds like you never had the space to conduct that necessary work to develop yourself. Self-work is the only work that will allow you to truly love someone as deeply as you want. My advice is to nest and cultivate your spirit. When you fill your home with objects, colors, and textures that bring you joy, your spirit will leap out of your heart and dance in your kitchen while you make popcorn. This is going to show you how to turn that loyalty and persistence in upon yourself. You will grow into a strong person that you can fall in love with. And when you do, this love will radiate outwards and attract the person who will be able to appreciate you, your boundaries, and what you need from a relationship.

You might think of this as a process of gently untying the cords that were once tying you to partners, but are now tying you down and preventing you from self-actualization. Therefore, I give you:

Mistress Tiger Pussy’s Untangling Spell

Gather 5 strings or strands of yarn: 1 red, 1 green, 1blue, 1 violet, and 1 the color of your choice, which you can wrap around your wrists and slide off to tangle them up.

Scents (in oil or incense form):
Rose/Violet, black pepper, vanilla

Herbs:
Frankincense, white sage
Single white candle
Paper bag
Piece of paper and pencil in the same color as the You string

Step 1: Ground yourself in a comfortable position and place your herbs in a special bowl. As you stir them however many times feels right, imagine your favorite spot in nature. It may be your favorite hike or a grassy lot from your childhood. Imagine the most beautiful day in this spot—that could mean the sun on your face or a light rain on your fingertips. Use all your senses to immerse in this space and let the peaceful feeling settle your thoughts, grounding you in this moment of being.

Step 2: Light the single white candle and place prominently. This candle represents your fire, Stuck, the one within you that sends the bull charging into the unknown. 

Step 3: Light the incense or burn the oil and invite the spirits into your space.

Step 4: The 5 strings represent you and these four men. They are still tied to you, and to your perceptions of what love is. In one or many ways, you have not been their priority—as you said, there were other loves and other drugs that they chose over you. Have you been your own priority? Once you begin the process of untangling yourself from their influence, you will begin to see what you’re made of, and what you need apart from what others want from you. 

So in this step, untie and pull out one of the strings other than the You string. If the thread tries to cling to the others, gently but firmly separate it and place it in the paper bag, saying, “Lover of old, unbind from me as I seek my own identity.” Continue this for each strand until only the strand representing you is left. 

Step 5: On the piece of paper, write down the things you would like to know about yourself. You might say, “How many lovers do I really want?” or “What is it I want from a partner?” or “What role will these men play along my journey?” Sprinkle some of the herbs on the paper, drop a bit of wax from the candle on it, and pass it through the smoke from your oil or incense. Roll it into a scroll and use the string representing you to tie an overhand knot around it. 

Step 6: Place the scroll under your pillow so that your unconscious can begin to offer you clues. After a period of time, when you feel you have gotten everything you can from this stage, carry it around with you in your purse or pocket to bring those questions into your waking life. Take that paper bag now and bury it in the ground at a cross-roads.

This is the journey, by the way, of all young women. Our society still seems to have limited use for us until we wake up and start pushing back. It is easy to see ourselves as merely the sum of other people’s desires for us. It is harder but crucial to realize our own worth and to set boundaries with others to respect that worth. 

The other aspect of the multiple men and their other women is complex and fascinating. Polyamory can be an opportunity to recognize what we want from a partner, and how we are best fulfilled. Many will say, “monogamy is the norm for a reason.” I am still not convinced that this applies to everyone, or it may not apply to all stages of our lives. The universe manifests that which we name. But between teenage and young adulthood we are going through so many changes that we are naming things left and right according to our youthful whims. This has an accumulative effect; things pile up high and threaten to block our vision entirely. The work of our twenties is of building up and then carefully dismantling all those obstructions to our true vision of ourselves. What we needed last year is not what we need this year. We try things out and learn from them. Think of the plurality of your earliest lessons in love as an abundance of it.

Get your horns out of the fence, Stuck, and let yourself sit in the grass, like Ferdinand, and smell the flowers. Many blessings along this journey.

MTP